Saturday, December 31, 2011
For the past I don't know how many years now I've been estranged from my oldest child. The reason or fault isn't the issue here, but I do have something to share with anyone who is separated from someone they love.
Over the last 10 years I only saw my oldest child on the obligatory holidays and the occasional birthday. My youngest would go 2 or 3 years with out contact with me.
My heart would ache to see them. Even though I had relationships with my 2 middle children I missed the other two and longed for the day God would move on my behalf and bring us together.
Every year I would pray and claim household restoration, but nothing seemed to be happening. I know God is a restoring God, a healing God, a merciful God, I know it was not in His plan for me to be separated from them for ever.
At times I would grow impatient, I would cry, I would complain, I would be angry and jealous of those they chose to be with instead of me.
Last year started out the same as all the others, me claiming something that seemed impossible.
My oldest, her husband, my youngest son and his wife met for brunch on Mother's Day. I have learned to cherish the little time I got to spend with my oldest.
As we sat there eating she announced she was expecting twins in Nov., something in my heart came alive, I couldn't stop crying for joy. I didn't know if I would be a part of their lives, but I know the Holy Spirit was letting me know my wait was coming to an end.
I've been unemployed since March 09, completely unable to find a job. All this time I kept saying I didn't know what God had for me, but I knew He had the perfect job since I had to wait so long!
In July I was asked to be the "Granny Nanny" for the twins. Never in my wildest dreams would I have hoped to ask for this. The perfect job for me.
God, in His infinite wisdom, was answering my prayers from the last 10 years in His perfect time.
The boys were born in Aug., three days later the littlest one went to heaven. We will always miss him and he will always be a part of us.
When my daughter wasn't at the hospital with our precious survivor I was able to sit in his room and just be with him.
Now I am with her helping everyday.
God is restoring what the enemy had stolen from her and me.
Tonight I ran over and had New Year's Eve dinner with them and hung out for a little bit before coming back home to share this with you.
If you are reading this and missing someone please don't ever give up. God is a restoring God and He will restore back to you what the enemy has stolen.
Keep praying, keep fasting, keep believing no matter how many years it takes. Take it from me those years are well worth it when God moves suddenly and brings your loved one back to you.
If you are reading this and want me to stand with you in prayer for restoration leave me a message. I would consider it an honor to pray with you.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
I realize some of you may look at this and start to hyper-ventilate, all you see it one big messy rug that needs to be cleaned up and made neat and orderly.
I admit there's a small part of me that gasps in awe at such destruction, but there's a bigger part of me that just overflows with love and gratefulness.
This mess belongs to my Grandson and me. We made every bit of it and had so much fun in the process.
I'm in no hurry to clean it up after he goes home, sometimes I just sit and look at it thinking about what we talked about, the hugs, the laughter that rang out in my otherwise quiet living room.
His presence in my home is so special to me. I am so honored that God in His infinite wisdom allowed me to be this amazing child's Grandma. The responsibility I feel toward this little one to teach him and just love him with total abandon is, at times, overwhelming.
I can remember a time when children's toys, messes, noise and such were something to get through. Like all Mother's I love my children desperately, however when your a Mom, Wife, Employee etc, etc, it's hard to stop and enjoy the mess.
Now I can't wait for Cole to get here so we can play! I do wish my other five Grandchildren were here for me to play with , but I just have to settle with looking at pictures of them and imagining the things we'd do if we were together.
Don't get me wrong there are boundaries, and he knows he has to listen to me, but for the most part we have a free for all of love and fun.
I can't help but think of God sitting there in heaven waiting for us to show up for our special time with Him. I think He's ready and waiting for us to spend time with him in conversation, singing, dancing, smelling flowers, laughing, just being with him and soaking up the abundance of love He has ready to pour out on us. I can see Him telling the Angels to hush and make room because one of His favorite people is approaching the throne.
So when no one is looking, look up to Him and do a little dance, smile, throw your arms up toward heaven and let Him love on you. After all He created you and your presence gives him pleasure.
Let Him love on you like the doting, loving Father He is. He doesn't see your flaws, to Him you are just the way He created you. Open up your heart and receive His abundance of love and acceptance and dance, dance, dance!!
Gotta go the cookies we made are done :)
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Last week I was weeding my back patio when I felt a burning sensation on my hand. I looked down to see one of my arch enemies, a tiny tiny reddish colored ant. As he was injecting his venom into my hand I could immediately feel my hand start to tingle and swell.
These little critters don't send me reaching for my epi-pen or grabbing the car keys so I can get to the hospital like the fire ant or bee stings, but they do their own brand of damage.
Brushing him off me, I headed inside leaving my project undone.
Once inside I went into my routine, make a paste with oatmeal and water to place on the bite area and grab two benadryl. Knowing the benadryl will "knock me out" I make sure I have the oatmeal paste on the bite and a cloth draped over the oatmeal in case it dries and starts to flake off before I lay down for a nap. Benadryl makes me so sleepy I know not to do anything but lay down after swallowing the little pink and white pills.
For the next few days the area is red and puffy, with a little white hard bump like a pimple and it itches like crazy. When I can't stand it any longer I take the tweezers, doing a mini surgery on myself, I open it up to get to the root of the bite and scratch. Not very adult of me but it feels so good when I'm scratching the area. Then I have to put an antibiotic cream on it because I've opened the wound area again and could cause more damage. I have little scars on my feet from previous battles with the dreaded little creatures.
This time while I was going through my ant bite routine I thought about how tiny this particular ant is and how much damage it does to my body. I know you see where I'm going with this......
And the tongue is a fire: the world of iniquity among our members is the tongue, which defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the wheel of nature, and is set on fire by hell.~ James 3:6
I said, I will take heed to my ways, That I sin not with my tongue: I will keep my mouth with a bridle, While the wicked is before me.~ Psalms 39:1
A gentle tongue is a tree of life; But perverseness therein is a breaking of the spirit. ~ Proverbs 15:4
Death and life are in the power of the tongue; And they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof. ~ Proverbs 18:21
These are just a few of the scriptures warning us of the negative results of and unruly tongue.
The pain and devastation we can cause to others as well as ourselves by not controlling what we say can sometimes be damaging to the point of death.
Like those tiny ants injecting their venom into me, the words we speak over others can be poison to their soul.
It is our responsibility to choose our words carefully so what we say will bring life not death to ourselves and others.
Most people don't realize how powerful the little tiny sting of a word sent out in anger and frustration can be to another human being. Even if your attitude is "I'm just keeping it real" your reality may not be the reality of the person you are firing your words toward. You may be killing their hopes and dreams rather than being a vessel of life and hope.
It's not always what you say, but how you say it that can make the difference between life and death for someone, even yourself. Sometimes we have to discipline or instruct another, but it can still be done in a manner that makes them feel like there's hope not like they are a loser.
In business management training I learned to sandwich constructive criticism between two layers of praise.
I encourage anyone reading this to take a couple days and listen, really listen to the words you send out to others, and the words you speak about yourself. Make a mental, or on paper, list of the words that could be a poison dart being fired out into someones soul. Sometimes even "joking" around with someone can pierce their soul. Before you speak them, think, don't just blert out poison darts that you could avoid by thinking before you speak. If what you are about to speak is not God sent, or positive, or uplifting, or inspiring or in love just say no to your mouth and your brain. Retrain yourself to speak carefully and deliberately so your words bring life not death.
To quote my Mother who quoted the famous Disney character Thumper who quoted his Mother, "If you can't say nothin nice, don't say nothin at all."
Like those little ants that wreck so much havoc to my body, your words may seem harmless to you, but to someone else they may be the words that cause them to give up and feel hopeless.
Remember, we are going to have to give an account to God at some point for our actions, and our words are actions they are alive with power to kill or heal.
Keep your little part of the world a place where others feel safe and secure. Where they know they won't get bitten by anything that will cause them to feel less than what God created them to be.
We all need a place where we won't get bitten by the little ants of this world. Make you one of those places!
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
I am a Grandma, I don't feel like my Grandmas looked, but none the less I am a Grandma. As I ponder my responsibility in this roll I have to look back on the mistakes I made as a Mother and realize this is my chance to "make it right".
We all make mistakes as parents and I believe God gives us grandchildren to give us an opportunity to "work off the guilt" so to speak.
I was not a perfect parent, I did the best I could considering my circumstances and mind sets at the time, but now I see so much more clearly, I am much stronger and am so grateful for the opportunity to influence my children's children in the ways of the Lord, and life!
I have the honor of picking my three year old Grandson Cole up from pre-school everyday. This is a God designed assignment that I in no way take lightly. Everyday for 2 hours I have the God given opportunity to influence him, to teach him,to play with him, to bond with him in a way no one else can.
My one regret at this time is I can't be with my other 5 grandchildren in the same way, they live out of state.
Everyday when we get in my car, before I start the drive to my house I ask Cole a series of questions. Did you have a good day? Did you take a nice nap? What did you learn? all this to lead up to the BIG question, Do you know what day today is?
Do YOU know what day today is???? This is a loaded question, one which Cole has learned the answer to and giggles as he gives the answer.
"This is the day" he giggles and waits for me to start singing "This is the day, this is the day that the Lord has made, that the Lord has made. Let us rejoice, let us rejoice and be glad in it and be glad in it."
I can hear him attempt to sing along with me in the back seat chiming in with an occasional word.
When I'm done I shout "Yay" then shout "Yay, God!!" I figure if he can hear people shouting for every and all sporting events he should hear the same shouting and enthusiasm for God.
He does his "Yay, God" with me, giggles and usually says, "Grandma, your so funny," and then we proceed to talk about trucks, cars, boats and other vehicles we pass on the road.
But for that moment, he is learning something so profound it will shape his mind sets for life. Something that a lot of adults don't grasp.
Some days he tells me he doesn't have a "Yay God" inside him. And I take the time to explain that no matter what happened or how we feel God has given us this day and everyone and everything, no matter what, is to have a "Yay God" inside them.
A report from his Mom the other week was he told her God made us this day. I can't even begin to tell you what that did to me! I definitely teared up. Through the fun he's learning.
There are days when I pick him up I don't feel like singing or shouting "Yay God", but those are the days when Grandma needs to sing and shout the most.
We all go through things on a regular basis. However our circumstances don't change WHO God is, or WHAT He's done for us. Circumstances will change, they are just blips on the radar of our lives. Some are bigger blips than others but they are blips.
God is God and for that reason alone we should be shouting His praise continually.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
We all know life is a journey with lots of twists and turns.
We all know we can plan for our future, but in reality have minimal control over the outcome of said future.
I love the saying, "If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans."
As I'm coming to the end of my unemployment benefits with no job in sight, not for the lack of trying, I find myself saying, "I know God has a plan for me" with tears welling up in my eyes. I find myself pulling those words up from somewhere deep inside me almost chocking on them. Not just a surface, glib "Christianese" speak that we all are so familiar with, but a "speaking through the fear" declaration.
When I was first laid off I was excited, I couldn't wait to see what God was going to do with me. I just knew it was going to be amazing!!
Women's Bible Studies in my home, a patent on my day planner idea, ministering to abused and hurting women, the possibilities were endless!
Two years later, after many failed attempts to do odd jobs, thousands of applications, hours of networking and still no job, the excitement has worn off!
Oh, I still believe God has a plan for me and in His time it will be revealed. There is no question in my mind that those words are fact, but I have to be like David and work constantly to encourage myself.
We won't even go into the embarrassment factor here. I know everyone that looks at me is thinking what a loser! Well maybe not everyone, but that's how I can let myself feel at times.
I had a plan for my life and trust me I am no where near where I had planned on being at this point in my life!
Lately, I've been asking God for just a little sign that He really did know I was still here and what my situation was and this morning I read Prov. 3: 5&6.
"Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in ALL your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight."
I thought I was trusting Him, but I can recount many attempts to manipulate situations to get a job. If I do this or that and speak to so and so and then this will happen, on and on and on.
As long as this nagging spirit of fear is tugging at my innards I know I'm not fully trusting in Him.
His word promises if I put ALL my trust in Him, and stop trying to analyze why I'm still out of work, acknowledge Him in every area of my life with everything that I do everyday, He will make my path straight.
He may not show me every little step, but my path will level out and His plan for me will be able to materialize.
This is not an easy task. We are taught to be self reliant, to make it happen, to be independent, etc., etc. so there's a lot of junk in the mind that has to be eliminated before we can truly say we trust the Lord at ALL times.
I'm not saying sit on the couch and do nothing. Work on eliminating fear by building total trust in the Lord through reading, studying, believing and acting on His word, and if "things" are stripped away your trust level will be increased. Realize that your gifts and talents are for Him to choreograph, not for your good pleasure but for His.
He doesn't want us poor and destitute, but He does want us to fully realize His ability to provide everything. He wants us to KNOW what we have is because HE has given it to us and what He allows to be taken away is to teach us total dependence on Him.
This may sound like whining to some, but I shared all this in hopes of encouraging anyone out there who is in a situation where they have little control.
Our job in all this is to learn to trust Him completely with everything and everyone in our lives, acknowledge He is who He says He is, and know He all ready has everything worked out for our benefit and His glory.
He does love us so and He will take care of us.
I know He who created the universe is well able to put me in the right job at the right time as long as I acknowledge Him with each job application, and tell everyone I know He is my provider, protector, strong tower.
Wendy, Princess Daughter of the King of Kings
Mother of Princesses and Princes
Grandmother of Royalty
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
I've been job hunting since March 09, YIKES!! Seeing it actually written down is a bit depressing and yet what a time of God showing off on my behalf!!
Yesterday I received a response to a prayer request that was put out by a dear friend of mine, Marsha of Marsha's Musings. His question was quite different from the normal questions you receive from people who are interested in helping in your job quest or current living situation.
He asked me to forward my resume to him so he could see where my giftings are.
Giftings, job?? Not even in close proximity as far as I'm concerned.
I explained to him my career path was the result of regular moves due to my ex husbands corporate advancement and had nothing to do with what I am "gifted" in.
Thinking back on all the jobs I've held over the past __ years there have only been a couple where I loved what I was doing and I felt good about myself while I was at work. Both of them were jobs where I was helping others.
The first was when I was in Mary Kay Cosmetics. As a Sales Director I found I liked nothing more that my Monday night "Sales Meetings". I had center stage and always managed to turn them into a time of motivation and encouragement.
Nothing thrilled me more that seeing women dig down deep and realize their self worth and inner beauty. Not because they were selling skin care but because I could somehow convey to them they were priceless jewels in God's eyes. I did everything but have an alter call and I loved it.
On the down side, I admit sometimes the drive to keep the pink car overshadowed my family life. And there were times when I chose career over family all the while telling myself I was doing it for them, realizing now what color car I drove was more for me than them!
But what I learned was I love speaking to groups, the larger the better, and if I could encourage someone to feel good about themselves, change their attitudes and draw closer to God I knew I was doing something positive for the Kingdom.
My second favorite job was with FEMA. After Katrina hit I was hired, as so many were, to go to Houston and help people with their claims, finding housing, medical care,etc. We could even do searches to help find lost loved ones. Everyday I was part of a group of people who were truly making a difference. I hated the circumstances, but loved what I was doing.
My resume shows me as a retail manager. That piece of paper that I forward on to, or upload to a company site tells them nothing of me. Quite frankly I don't care what label you wear or what "color story" a particular vendor is trying to tell with their merchandising requirements. I do it because I can and because it pays or rather paid the bills.
So why have I said all this?
I guess it's because I want you to know your job resume doesn't define you. We are so obsessed by what do you do rather than who you are that we can totally miss the being God created because we are looking at or for the skills that create money to define you.
Next time you meet someone, rather than asking what do you do to get to know them ask them who are you, or ask if you could do anything at all with out limitations what is it you would be doing.
A job description doesn't define a person, their hopes and dreams buried deep within is what will tell you what kind of person you are facing.
After all Jesus was a carpenter, or was He?
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